Eight Months, One Day.

It's been eight months and one day since I last wrote something here. I guess I just wasn't feeling it. But I do now, I truly do.

So many things have happened during that time. Some were great memories, others were just that, memories. During those eight months and one day I learned a lot. There were days when I wanted to quit, to leave everything and just run away. Run to the place where my friends were, to that place where everything's fine and there's no sadness. I was sad for days, because things changed in my life and I wasn't ready to accept those changes. I wasn't content with the school I'm in and I felt disappointed. I made a really good friend during my first semester but when the second one started, he just drifted apart and I didn't know why.. I felt alone.

But he, he made it all better, he always does. I started hanging out more and more with him, I took photographs, I was happy. Around February, I had an accident while I was working out. I had to go to the hospital but he took good care of me that day. I couldn't go to the gym for a while and he decided he wanted to go so I wasn't able to see him because of our school schedule and the activities we had. Those weeks were the worst because even though I talked to some of my classmates, I spent the afternoons on my own.

Lonely days in a very small town where there's nothing to do may seem to be lonelier than a lonely day in the city. So, I told my parents I wanted to leave and go back to Mexico City but they told me (more like convinced me) to stay there a little more because they worried too much when I was in Mexico. I was still sad but I started to focus all my sadness on something else. I read, and I liked what I read. It helped me understand a lot of things. I kept reading and somehow all the words made sense. I started hanging out with some friends who later on became really good friends and met new ones.

It was then when I learned to cherish every single moment, even the bad ones. I know it may sound easy to just 'live for the moment' but it really isn't. I find it difficult at times and I bet everyone who's tried it has felt the same at some point of their lives. I guess the important thing is to be AWARE of being alive, to understand that our whole lives can change in a fraction of a second.. I'm alive today but who knows if tomorrow I'll be. I've wasted to much energy being sad, or even angry, but that's the beauty of it, I'm alive! I can feel all kinds of emotions!

Those eight months and a day have made me the way I am and I don't regret a single thing. I'm alive and happy for just being alive.. and as a song I like says: 'we can build a new tomorrow, today.'

Nothingness.

October's nearly over

and my blog continues being sober..

Time has flown by really fast

but my feelings still last.

Distance may tear us apart

but Twitter prevents that.

I'll write something nice

when my homework finally subsides.

So here's my advice for now,

live for the moment and never look back.

This is the crappiest poem ever.

Don't judge me too harsh. :(

Sometimes.

Sometimes I feel the urge to scream at the top of my lungs no matter who's hearing.
Sometimes I feel the need to let him know I'm there and that I'll always be there for him.
Sometimes I want to cry without having a good reason for doing so.

Sometimes I feel as if I were on top of the world, invincible.
Sometimes I want to escape from everything and everyone.

Sometimes I wish that I could have superpowers.

Sometimes I want to run.

Sometimes I'm scared.

Sometimes I don't know what to do.
Sometimes I wish that I could stay in an instant forever.

Sometimes I want to know eveything but at the same time I don't.
Sometimes I'm sad because I can't change some things about my life.

Sometimes I want to go back.

Sometimes I don't.

Sometimes I miss him so much.

Sometimes I don't want to grow old.

Sometimes I wish I could fly.

Sometimes I feel as if I were a butterfly.

Sometimes I can't make it alone.

Sometimes I feel so alone, it hurts.

Sometimes I'm so happy I can't contain myself.

Sometimes I wish teletransportation existed.

Sometimes I want to kiss him.

Sometimes I wish I could trust less in the persons I know.

Sometimes my mind's out of place.

Sometimes I want to keep going, no matter what.

Sometimes I'm sure that he'll come.

Sometimes I feel lost.

Sometimes I get lost on his eyes.

Sometimes time stops.

Sometimes time flies by.

Sometimes I'm afraid to lose.

Sometimes I lose myself in one instant.

Sometimes I imagine myself with you.

Sometimes I fear that you may get tired of me.

Sometimes I want to swim into the deep ocean just til I can touch the bottom.

Sometimes I want to talk to him again.

Sometimes I want you to feel the way I do.

Sometimes I want to be somewhere else.

Sometimes..

There Are No Ordinary Moments.

"Wake Up. It's happening, right here and right now. Right this very moment"
I can't stop hearing this little voice whispering me those words ever since I read that book. THE book...
It's Saturday morning. I wake up to the screams of my mom calling my name from the kitchen. I feel dizzy and I have trouble seeing clearly because my eyes hurt. I make my way to the bathroom to take a good look at my reflection in the mirror. My left eye looks all reddish and the tears don't seem to stop so I decide to pour some water on my face. I start to feel better and sort of awake. I hear the high-pitched voice of my mother again so I go downstairs to see what all the fuss is about. Mystery solved, breakfast is ready. There's an unexpected visitor as well. I greet my aunt and proceed to the kitchen to get my plate. I put it in the microwave for 35 seconds in case it's cold. I open up the fridge to get some juice. I go take my seat at the table and start eating. I don't realize how hungry I am until I'm almost done with my breakfast. I finish up quickly to ease the hunger. Right after I'm done, I excuse myself from the table to go upstairs. I'm looking for the computer. I can't seem to find it. I start to think my sister must have hidden it somewhere. I start searching. It's nowhere to be found. I hear footsteps. I go to the stairs to see who it is. It's my sister taking two steps at a time to get to the top of the stairway faster. I block her path and ask her about the wherabouts of the computer. She starts provoking me and telling me it's hers and that she won't lend it to me. We continue with our little fight until I tell her something she wants to hear. She agrees to give it to me only because I'll be gone for the day and she will be able to use it during the rest of the day. I'm excited to read what my friends have been doing on Twitter. I sign in to messenger out of habit. I say hi to Eric and we start discussing about True Blood's latest episodes. My mom starts screaming again. She says that she's going to leave me if I'm not ready to go soon. I start freaking out because I really want to get my new glasses. I have waited like two weeks to get them and I don't want to wait any longer. I go take a really quick shower. I start getting ready to go. I get on the car and ask my mom to play my cd. She hesitates for a bit but she puts it on anyways. I take the pillow that's on the car and sleep all the way to the crossing point between Reynosa and Hidalgo. A lady takes my passport and let us continue our journey. I think about sleeping again but I just stay there awake listening to Friendly Fires. I really like their beats. Their music makes me happy. My mom starts saying stuff about which store should we visit first but then she mentions something about my glasses and I instantly tell her that we need to go there first because they may close early. We go there. I get out of the car and walk towards the store. I open the door and get inside. The lady behind the counter tells me she'll be with me in a second. After 3 minutes or so, she comes back and I give her the receipt. She looks at it and goes somewhere to get my glasses. She hands them to me and I put them on. Suddenly, everything's clear. I see perfectly. I start thinking of the times I had to use my scratched pair of glasses and promise myself I'll take good care of the new pair. We get in the car again and my mom tells her plan outloud. It had started raining but water never ruins someone's day so I didn't care. As we drove by Barnes & Noble I get a feeling. I ask my mom without hesitating if she would leave me there while she went out shopping with my aunt. She agrees and stops the car. I ask her for money to buy something from Starbucks while being there. She hands me some and I get out of the car and make my way to the store. As I enter the bookstore I realize that it had been a while since the last time I had been there. I start walking and seeing everything and everyone as I walk pass them. Some people are reading whereas others are talking about different school topics or just about anything. Ages vary a lot, there's a lot of elderly persons and a lot of little kids too. They'are all there for a reason, to read, buy or to have a good time with friends or in solitude. It was 2pm when I decided to buy myself a Caramel Frapuccino. They call my name when it's ready and I enjoy the feeling of drinking a delicious beverage. I keep seeing tons and tons of books but I don't know which one I'm going to read. As I walk pass the Teen Section I realize that I'm not into that sort of books now. I need something different. I start thinking about the movie my new friend Daniel told me to see. I try to remember the name of the book he's reading and go in search of a salesman so he could tell me where to find it. The book Daniel's reading isn't there but he takes me to the section of Dan Millman's books. I stare at them for some minutes. After reading all the titles I decide I should read the one that the movie's based on, 'Way of the Peaceful Warrior'. When I have the book in my hand I go in search of a spot where I could read. Starbucks' tables are nearly full but I find a tiny table on the corner and I start to read. People come and go but I stay there, reading. The book's dragging me into a different world. I think about buying something to eat but the feeling leaves my mind as I read more and more. I'm not aware of the hour but I don't care. After 5 hours of non-stop reading I finish it. Just about then my mom calls to ask me if it's okay to pick me up, I say yes. I'm still amazed about what I had just read. I suddenly realize that I need to use the restroom. I leave the book on the table and go to the restroom. When I get back the table's empty. The book's not there. I start thinking that probably, some salesman took it to where it belonged. I go to the section again but the book isn't there. I spend the last minutes looking for it, or at least another copy. I can't find it. My mom calls me again and it's time to leave. I give up my search but realize that it had to be that way so that I could appreciate the value of every moment. This moment..

Eighteen.

So, today’s my birthday. And it doesn’t feel like it. I used to get all excited about my birthday but it is different now for some reason. I guess it’s ‘cause I don’t have something planned out to celebrate or the fact that the majority of my real friends are far away, or maybe’s just the fact that I wanted to be seventeen forever. I liked that number and it was one of the greatest years so far. I did so many things during that last year. I can say that it was the year I learned more about the value of life, friendship and family.
Naming and recalling every event that marked my life during last year would mean having to do an entry of each and every one of them. As we get older, we forget more and more about our childhood and we only stay with our recent past. I don’t want to forget but I know I will eventually... When are we going to create that super hard disk to store all our memories? Like that pensive Dumbledore used. I wish I had one of those. I sometimes wish I could remember every little detail of my life. What I did the day I was six and a half, the name of all my teachers or the complete dialogues to the cartoons I used to watch every now and then. Our lives are filled up with so many things, experiences, happy moments, bad memories, people, thoughts and every thing that you could possibly imagine. Those things exist to make us who we are right this moment. I think that in the end, we just stay with the memories that truly make an impact in our lives and with the people who leave their personal mark in our hearts. Those we’ll remember for the rest of our lives, no matter what.
Throughout my whole life I have done an enormous amount of things. They are irrelevant to the history of our world but they have made me who I am to this day. Eighteen’s a big number. It’s also a long time. But I’m glad I’ve made it this far and I’m happy of being able to say ‘I’m legal now’, even though it comes along with a bigger responsibility. I have to think twice every thing I do during the rest of my life, because the consequences are bigger this time. But I'll keep living for the moment and trying to make every moment count...